For someone experiencing domestic abuse, achieving safety can be far more complicated than simply leaving an abusive partner.
Research indicates that financial abuse is present in 99% of domestic abuse cases. If someone must choose between staying with an abusive partner and going without housing or food, they are weighing one unsafe situation against another. That is not real safety.
That’s why JF&CS Journey to Safety makes addressing financial barriers an important part of our work with survivors. In addition to advocacy and safety planning, we help survivors access legal and financial resources and mentoring to support goals such as improving credit, increasing earning power, and building greater financial stability. Throughout, we recognize that each person is the expert on their own life and decides what path is right for them.
Talia* knew firsthand how complicated that path could be. She grew up in a Jewish home in an affluent community, earned an MBA from a prestigious university, and built a successful career. Growing up with the assumption that her partner would be respectful and loving, she was ashamed that at home, her husband subjected her and their children to emotional, physical, and financial abuse. Despite the outward appearance of financial security, he gradually took control of the family’s money and assets until Talia could no longer access them.
When Talia reached out to Journey to Safety, an advocate listened without judgment and helped her identify options, develop a safety plan, and understand available resources. Her advocate also understood Talia’s needs as they related to her Jewish identity and the ways that her choices might impact her and her children’s lives. Would they remain members of their synagogue? Could they afford the dues and costs associated with b’nei mitzvahs?
Talia’s advocate supported and encouraged her as she considered her options—at the same time assessing what she and her children needed—moving forward at a pace that felt possible. With her advocate, she also began to name and understand the financial control she was experiencing as part of the abuse.
Without money for an attorney, housing, food, or transportation, Talia faced serious barriers. And seeking help brought challenges of its own. Would people understand how little control she had over her own finances when, from the outside, she appeared affluent?
Talia set the direction, made each decision, and drew on her own strengths as she built greater safety and stability for herself and her children.
After separating from her husband, Talia applied for temporary assistance. Although her household income had made her ineligible for public benefits while she was married, she now had no money of her own. At the benefits office, a state worker looked at the high-end purse she was carrying and told her she did not belong there. What the worker couldn’t see was that even that purse reflected the control Talia had experienced: it was a purchase her husband forced her to make. She had no interest in spending money on luxury brands.
Talia persisted. Working with her Journey to Safety advocate, she successfully applied for cash assistance, SNAP benefits, and scholarships, and continued working toward greater financial stability. Her advocate connected her with legal and financial resources and stayed beside her through difficult moments. Talia set the direction, made each decision, and drew on her own strengths as she built greater safety and stability for herself and her children. She also found a way to ensure that she and her children participated in Jewish life.
Many people do not recognize that what is happening to them is domestic abuse or know that help is available. By sharing Talia’s story, we hope you, our readers and concerned community members, will help others recognize financial abuse and connect people experiencing abuse with support and resources.
Using coercion or control to trap a partner in an unwanted relationship is domestic abuse. Please help spread the word: Journey to Safety is here for anyone being harmed by a partner, ready to listen, offer support, and walk alongside them on the path they choose.
*Name changed to protect privacy.
JF&CS Journey to Safety offers free, confidential support in English and Russian for those experiencing abuse, and for friends, family, clergy, and professionals supporting them. To learn more or bring an awareness-raising workshop to your community, contact jts@jfcsboston.org or 781-693-1213. For immediate help, call SafeLink, the 24/7 Massachusetts hotline at 877-785-2020.
