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I Was Giving Myself Away
October 17, 2012
I Was Giving Myself Away

Posted by JF&CS Journey to Safety

purple ribbonToday’s blog post in recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month is excerpts from a poem written by someone who received services from JF&CS Journey to Safety and is a survivor of domestic violence. She found writing to be a healing tool as she made sense of what her ex-husband did to her. As you read about the violence and abuse she suffered, you will be awed by her resilience and inner strength. The cruelty evident in this story is another strong reminder that no one should have to endure violence and abuse.


I am a giving tree

Once I was young, pretty and in love
I shared good and bad times with the man I loved
I had leaves green and healthy
Now they turned grey…
             (you do not like them that way)

I was born to be a mother
I was born to be a wife
I was born to be a housewife
And I loved it!

You thought I was crazy to think that way
You wanted to mold me, to suit your interests
You cut my branches one by one over the years
I did not resist, I did not complain
             My purpose in life was to give

I was giving myself away
And you were the one who was taking
You kept yourself busy counting your profits
I did not mind, I was happy to share

Everything that once was important for me
Was crushed and destroyed slowly by you
My children, my house, my love, my self
These things were not meaningful for me any more
Because they were not appreciated by you..

                          But, Darling, there is nothing left…

Now, I am a stump
No more to give…
Or, pardon me, there is something else
Please, come and sit on me

You think I am an old wife who is not pretty without make-up
You think I am a bad mother who has to lose her parental rights
You think I am an awful housewife whose kitchen is always dirty
You think I am doing nothing all day long.

You convinced me I am stupid and dumb
You convinced me I am mentally and physically sick
You convinced me I never reach your ideals
You convinced me I am too this and too that
             Or, rather nothing at all:
A needless object deserved to be kicked out of the house

Please, stand up!
My head is hurting
The stump will turn into a table
To serve the people in need…

God is forgiving
Most of all He loves me a lot
He hears me cry
He listens to my silence
I hope you have a connection with Him one day

PS. 
Now, the unthinkable is happening
You threw my values into the fire
Wanting them to be burned
Instead, they are coming through purified
I am going to hold pure gold in my hands
                                                    Thank you

Read more from our Domestic Violence Awareness Month blog series.

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